You may ask yourself...How did I get here? This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife (husband)...

I have been asking myself...how did I get here? Do you ever look around at your life and say...wow- okay, not exactly what I had pictured, how on earth did I end up with this exact life? :) I'm not sure I know the answer right now. Everything is so different even than last year, it isn't better or worse. Just different. The usual inevitable adjustments and changes of a life with small children. Small stuff, but big stuff, if you know what I mean. I really have been quite overwhelmed with the twinnies and my life in general the last few months. Shocker, I know. Right, I mean what kind of person gets frustrated with 2 babies not sleeping, morning sickness, family drama, long hours single parenting? I guess I'm just one of the crazies who feels overwhelmed by the "little" things. Waa Waa. I know, I'm a big whiner, right? Or a realist...I suppose its just a matter of opinion. I just wanted to say thanks to all the people who have been so nice to me through it all. I have needed the nice words and little acts of kindness. Lately, I've even given up on getting dressed to drop Matthew off at school. Good thing my pj's/casual sweats are interchangeable! Thanks for not commenting about how bad my hair looks ladies :)! There have even been a couple of days where I realized--yikes--I hadn't brushed my teeth! (Ick! and this was after lunchtime! oh well!)

Anyway, besides the craziness of going from one kid to 3 to 4 within a period of 16 months, I now find myself in the strange position of being a person with a nanny. That's right kids. You heard it here first. Nanny. Nanny Brooke, to be exact. Owing to the awesome kick butt schedule of all medical people, and in order to keep me and the children alive after he has to go back to work, I get a nanny to come in to help me. Can anybody give me a Hallelujah! Woot woot! I cannot even tell you how relieved and excited I am to have a bit of extra help. Especially after all the sickness around our house lately, I don't know how I would manage with a newborn and being somewhat limited for a few weeks after the c-section. Let me tell you, I have had some serious anxiety attacks about this over the past few months. Real ones kids, real anxiety attacks. Not fun. When you want to be the best mom you can, but circumstances are just completely overwhelming and crazy and you can't do everything...it is just so mentally draining, isn't it? Someone said to me "I'm totally overwhelmed with 2 kids, of course you need help, its awesome!" But, the thing is, that I felt like that with 1 kid, and I needed help then too! Maybe not as urgently, but definitely! I think all moms go through these phases where you totally feel like you can do everything. You make plans. You have big ideas. You feel confident. Then your kid screams for 2 hours over a lost toy, you get the latest round of rotavirus, you have the tooth crisis like we've been having, all your plans go out the window and you go into survival mode. The goal: survive the hour, survive the day, survive the night: Keep children safe, get them better, get back into the routine....someday. Maybe we don't give ourselves enough credit for what we manage to do each day. I don't know.

I am so grateful that I get some extra help. I am so grateful for friends that say nice things when you're down. I'm so grateful that when I start the day with a prayer that says "please help me survive this day" that I actually DO survive. I am so grateful for my sweet kids and all they are teaching me. I am so grateful that we have 3 teeth and counting. And I am so grateful for the family members who have helped me so much, especially my mamma who comes day and night when the crisis is on. And to all you other moms out there in survival mode today: I wish you well! I totally understand! You can do it! We will survive!


Anyway. Again, thanks to all my friends who have boosted my spirits when I've been in need. To the t-ball heroes...well, you know who you are, we love you!