New Jersey Sex...or Socks?

HA HA! I've got your attention haven't I? Okay, but I'm not going to tell you what the title means just yet. First, you need to know that I have some seriously hysterical and slightly wierd dreams when I am pregnant. They are full of tiny details, live in technicolor, and randomly full of either real, or pretend people and places. For instance, last year when I was pregnant with the twins, I had a dream that I was making out with Ben Affleck. Yes, that's right! Ben Affleck! Woot woot! Hot and steamy, you ask? Um, well, actually, (blushing now), NO. You see, there wasn't much of that, it was more like I was interested in his teeth. Yes, you read it right. His TEETH. See, there was no time for hotness and steaminess, I was too busy noticing the fact that his teeth appeared to be the new, capped ones, circa "Gigli", as opposed to the old Ben teeth circa "Good Will Hunting." I know, right? I mean, I'm supposed to be making out with a movie star and all I care about is his teeth??? Hence, you can see what I mean by the wierdness.

So, the other night, when I woke up after this most unusual dream, I was laughing so hard. Seriously, I don't know if its the hormones, or something I ate, but I had this crazy two-part dream. First part: Swimming in a river. Yes, swimming in a river, somewhere in the south presumably since it looked rather marshy along the edges, and sortof reminiscent of what Paula Deen's backyard pond looks like. I'm swimming around visiting people who are in their boats, talking to people. I believe I was wearing a red swimsuit. Definitely no indication that I was pregnant in the dream, and for some reason my parents ride by on a Sea-Doo. Odd? Yes. Why is everyone else in a boat and yet I am swimming around chatting it up? Hmm. Act One ends with all the boats and people pulled up on the shore, with me, front and center in a big TA-DA type musical ending with our hands in the air waving goodbye. All staged quite nicely, if I do say so myself, and how convenient that there was a beach that all the boats could pull up on...

Act Two finds me in the mall shopping. I am guessing now that the fact that I have not been to a mall lately is weighing on my subconscious because, I am walking around looking in stores, having quite a good time. Stroller free, I might add, although my dream me doesn't appear to be pregnant or have any children. It is then that I stumble upon the title store. NEW JERSEY SEX. Wow! my dream person thinks, kinky store, better avoid it. Right? like Fredricks of Hollywood. Slightly too risque. Ah, but eventually my dream character wanders in to find, not the Fredricks' type store, but a "classy"? lingerie store that looks like a cross between American Eagle and an old fashioned department store with all of the merchandise beyond the counter. He he he. Then, I start looking for lingerie. Obviously, men read this blog, so stop here if you don't want to know the details. Okay, so I pick out some cute things to buy, one of which is a bra that is DEFINITELY not the right size, but in my dream I say, "I'll squeeze into it." Then, while trying to work around the other annoying customers who are crowding me at the same counter, I go on the hunt for the most important item I need to purchase: Matching Socks. HA HA HA HA HA! Matching Socks? Really? I mean, bcecause, lingerie isn't sexy unless you have a completed outfit with matching, lacy socks. See, now, you thought I was going to be all Amber Dahle and give you a steamy love dream. Sorry, apparently my alter ego is very chaste and just wants warm feet, along with the other lacy apparel. So, yes, I went shopping in a store called "New Jersey SEX" and all I really wanted was a pair of socks to keep my feets warm. You gotta love it. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.