ever feel like you don't know how to be friends with people anymore? was i ever good at it? because i feel like, right now, i don't even know how to be friends with people. i never fight with my friends, but its this wierd time in my life where i cannot make myself available to other people more than is absolutely necessary, and, as a result, now and again i find myself adrift from relationships that i wish to nurture and more like an island unto myself.
its not purposeful, but i can't figure out what i have to give to anyone else. i'm giving it all to my children and family and it feels like the left-over dregs of time and friendship would be meaningless to anyone else. does that make sense?
i recently reconnected with a friend who really "hurt my feelings" to be non-specific, many eons/years ago, and i think about what the difference is being a "facebook" friend with her, versus actually being real friends, which we are not, not really. this makes me sad, and a bit nostalgic.
i think i have to re-learn what it means to be a friend in my 30's. even in the last year, the definition of "friend" to me has morphed considerably. does anyone else feel like you have to re-learn this skill, or are you all so naturally friendly and open that you are surrounded by a gaggle of gal pals at the ready all the time? hmmm? hmmm?
what are your thoughts?
6 comments:
I feel the same way...especially now. I know I'm not great at making friends...I'm shy and socially inept (and with all my close friends 11 hours away)...it is so hard. But by the end of the day it is really the last of my worries (and before I know it 4 months have gone by)right now my family is my main concern...and sometimes I think that is just how it has to be...there is a time and a season for everything right?
I know I have felt that way too. I want to make friends and be friendly but sometimes I just don't know what to say to people. So I don't say anything and I am sure people think I am stuck up or something when really I am just too shy to do anything. I feel like I am so occupied with my kids that it is impossible to have a decent conversation with someone because I have screaming kids in the back ground. I do miss you though. I thought we were pretty good friends back in the day when you had one kid and I barely had one. :)
we are sisters and therefore related and thus we think and act alike often.
i wish to be left alone that is what i wish! (slams down cane)i do not make myself merry at christmas and cannot afford to make idle people merry.
I feel like there are times for different relationships on our lives and when you have four little ones your focus will primarily be at home. Your true friends will recognize that and accept it...and hopefully be a support to you! =)
Hey Melissa,
I understand what you're saying about friendships. Living in South Korea has made me realize that really solid friendships are few and far between which is why it's so important to hang onto the people you've known for a long time.
It seems like most people come and go in your life in a rather short period of time, and that's what makes it hard at least for me to bother trying to meet new people.
I miss you and I hope you're doing well! I recently came across all of your siblings (and kind of mine) blogs. So. I'll be checking them regularly. Please tell Jess and Mother Wendy hello for me.
With love,
Bryan
I am feeling the same you do. So busy with kids and their school and keeping up a home....there is not a lot of extra time. And when there is, I just want to sit and relax!
Hang in there Melissa, you are awesome!
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