One hundred and fourteen minutes, twenty three seconds.
That's how long my conversation with my dear friend lasted tonight. She reminded me that I am not alone, and that I should write. I should write what I am and what I hope to be and what I want. She reminded me that I am loved. Loved. So, do I print a retraction of my exit from the blogging world? Nah. I'll just leave it up to show that I was really really having a bad day the other day and thought it would just be more pressure on me to produce blogging entries, but in retrospect, and nearly immediately after I posted it, I was pretty sure I'd come back, and quickly.
You see, my life is a whirlwind of poopy diapers and cheese on the floor. I step on cheerios on the rug, there is a mystery stain on my clothes, and frankly, I still have this random thing going on with forgetting to brush my teeth. Gross, but true. Thank goodness for gum. I have to confess that every once in a while my supermom ways leave me empty and flat and wishing for a reprieve. Adding "super blogging woman" to the list was annoying me the other day, so I axed it from my list of self expectations. Because, right now, I think I need to keep my expectations realistic and relatively low. This, my friends, is a real challenge for me. I like to set myself up for failure, I don't believe in all that, "Aim for the moon, and if you miss you will at least have touched the stars" kind of hoo-hah nonsense. Who believes this stuff? Aim for the moon, hit the moon. No moon = failure, in my world anyway.
When people pat me on the back and tell me how great I'm doing, I think about how I yelled at Matthew over something silly, or how I made him move down the church bench away from me because he kept poking me in the arm and it was annoying. So, since I'm not perfect, I can't really accept the compliment. If only they knew how un-perfect I am! What would they think!? I guess I'll just have to take a chance that you are happy to read about someone else who has it worse! Ha!
So, dear reader and friend, I warn you. I will write and I will tell you what is open to the public. And, frankly, somedays maybe it won't be pretty. Maybe you will like me less. Maybe you will like me more. Maybe you will carry gum and breath mints when you know you would like to have a conversation with me face to face, just in case.
7 comments:
I am glad that I am not the only Mom that has those bad days or reacts to the kids in a way I wish I could take back. Sure do love you!
I think we all have yelled, freaked out, got annoyed, overreacted, felt like a bad mom. That does not make you bad, that makes you human. And the way that you feel about it after is what is real. We all have made mistakes, wished we never said or done something, cried over things. You keep shining on and that is what defines you! We all have to do our best and realize that being a mom is not easy. Just the other day I loved my kids the most and they annoyed me the most in one day. I felt just like a roller coaster. But we always leave happy in the end. Keep your head up high and do the best you can. That is all HE asks of us!
I'm glad your back and I know how you feel- I don't have a new baby & twins that arn't much older...but I have been with out a husband for 7 LONG months (which will be over in less than 3 weeks-I can't wait) and I feel the same way..I lost myself somewhere along the way. I am on edge all they time & feel like this is all never-ending . People always say I am so amazing & strong, but I don't see it...I'm sure that you are the same way- and I am sure you are amazing & strong(it is our crappy perfectionist mindset that keeps up mis-believing). I think that I ended up focusing on everything that I was doing so terribly...kids acting out, messes everywhere that there is no way I can keep up with, routines non-existent,(just to name a few). I know that isn't what we are supposed to focus on, that we are supposed to find joy in the journey no matter how crappy the road is (I say this as my kids are screaming in the background). Sorry I have rambled on...just remember to have faith, it will be okay, and let us hear about it, none of us have the perfect happy homemaker...molly mormon life (it would be pretty boring if we did) I hope today is better for you :)
Sooo glad you changed your mind. I need more of your humor in my life. You help me feel grounded and normal and accepted. So your chaos is my balm of Gilead--hopefully I can do the same for you someday! Write on writer--I'm dying to hear what is next.
if you have an hour.. I will like to take you to lunch on the 16th of September? LMK :)
I was sad that you were not going to blog anymore, but totally understand! You have more important things to take care of than to worry about a blog. But I do love reading your experiences and you always make them sound so funny! Reminds me of the Meanest Mom Blog (linked to my blog)....she has some wild kids.
You know bad days are going to happen. Just hang in there and know other moms feel the same too sometimes!
The great thing about Wissa is Wissa. We don't love you for your impeccable taste in chaise lounge chairs or your delightfully neurotic, never ending quest for perfect cleanliness. Those are just bonuses. We love you for being Wissa. We love you because you make mistakes, but keep coming back for more. Because you have an opinion and believe the world is entitled to it. Because you rock. And nothing you do can change that. It's immutable. No one in the world can replace Wissa.
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