My Maren Sophia Smith

 

Here's my story, I share it because I believe miracles exist. I have 3 of them in my home. I have friends who are struggling with their faith, and I have been there, and I think we sometimes flit across the surface in our conversations about church and family, and we don't often dig deep to share the things that would possibly strengthen each other the most. This is very personal to me, and I don't share it lightly. I usually keep these things to myself, so I only share it because this blog serves as a bit of a journal for me, and I need to record these experiences, and also because I know that a few of my friends are still waiting for their miracles....

2003: It's a late night in Michigan, and I'm pregnant with Matthew (although I didn't know it yet), and I am on the phone with my mom. We are having a discussion about baby names. We have a girl name: Maren Sophia Smith, I tell my Mom, and I have one of those moments where I just knew, KNEW, that there was a Maren Sophia Smith out there. I was shocked when I found out I was having a boy, because I really thought from that experience that I'd be having a girl. But, Matthew came instead.

2004: We try in-vitro again amidst all the craziness of opening the Dream Dinners and all the construction and painting, and I am an emotional, tired wreck the whole time because I want to get pregnant, and I really did think it would work. But we prayed and felt that "it really didn't matter" how many eggs we implanted. Of course, only later did we realize the obvious reason why we felt that way: because we weren't going to have any baby at that time. And, as things usually go in these situations, it seems like everyone else gets pregnant instead. The next 2 years were very hard and dark for me as a result of this experience. I only see now that it shouldn't have happened at any other time or any other way.

2007: We decide to try one more time. Literally. I never want to do IVF again, I only went for it because it didn't require a painful egg-retrieval, and we unfreeze our 10 little embryos. Each time we've done this procedure, we've been to the temple, and prayed, and I have always felt like the timing was right, even if slightly later than I wanted. We go to the temple with the expressed intent to think and pray about having another baby, it happened to be ward temple night, and I never bring a family name, so I go to get a name to take through the temple. They hand me the slip, and it says one little word: Maren.

Now, you can say its not a miracle, and you can believe what you want in a cynical world. I'm a critic and a cynic sometimes myself. But, you can't tell me that my Heavenly Father doesn't know me, know my heart, and know when to let me know He's there. In a world constantly obsessing about the "reality" of illusion, there are few moments that ring with the clarity that only comes from a testimony born by the Holy Spirit and the true and living reality of our Heavenly Father and his love for us. This is a real miracle. Another witness that we are not alone in the world. Another witness that faith precedes the miracle, and another witness of the mercy of a kind and understanding parent. Look at that sweet baby. She is a doll, and infinitely worth the wait. Who wouldn't wait for such a miracle?